The sky overhead burned a dark black, his orcher eyes were practically glowing now as all the light had been sucked from the sky hours ago. There was not much left to weather now, everything had been said and done and now his plan was beginning to fall into motion. It was not like it would be painless, he knew that there would be pain behind it all, but he also knew that he had to try. The four alternatives had formed so brilliantly in his mind now that he no longer had the option of choosing between them - trial and error was the only way to go. His thoughts had drifted so far from the overcast day that had appeared so grudgingly that morning in Forks. He knew what had to be done and perhaps that was why there was so much shame in it all, for it had been the hardest thing that he had ever done -- that he would ever do -- even given the eternity that he had been promised. The wretched eternity to think about it all. His golden eyes smouldered in resilience at the thought of it all, to watch something so precious lost so easily to the winds of time - of what he also thought to be fate. For if his path had never intersected hers, if they had never met, than things would not be like they were now. No, things would still be so easy for him, painfully so. Realization flared its ugly head in his already full mind, he was catching the thoughts of so many more nearby that he nearly yelled out in resistance. Frustration welled up on his beautiful marble features as he sat soundlessly beneath the starry skies. Not even centuries could change the way that the stars looked, especially after having experienced the hardship of yet another day's worth of thinking about her. How had he come to love something that was so .... so..... so fragile. There were feelings now that at one point in time he had nearly deemed himself incapable of, feelings that he had never felt before and didn't think that he would ever come to feel. Yet, now they were so real, so vibrant, so biting, knawing at the empty dead gap that he knew at one point was where his heart had beat. It was a strange inexplicable feeling. It actually hurt to be away from her. As if someone had taken what was left of the dead heart and plucked it in two, leaving him with only half of the piece to fill the huge empty void. But what was it to him? Had not he already conquered his fears and his feelings?

No. He was lost.

Just as lost as the next man or boy would be when trying to comprehend such things for the first time in their life. These feelings had to be real. There was no emotion that could feign such a close resemblance to love. It was something that Edward had decided early on, and now the injustice had been done, there was not a doubt in his mind. So there is was, as vibrant and as pure as the day that she had come walking into class -- reality was slapping him in the face. Even so far from her the scent of her blood was still fresh beneath his nostrils. It was so pure, so even, so potent. A shiver crept it's way down his marble spine and for a moment he sat in the moist grass with a slight disbelief crossing his golden eyes. What the hell was that? Everything grew quiet for a moment as Edward drowned out the thoughts of others with his own, he had learned through careful decades of practice how to drown them out. It was no simple task for the high marble arches of his mind were set on echoing the voices throughout the hollow of his head. Over and over again the repeated thoughts of any near human would cross his mind, the voices had grown so commonplace that any situation they described no longer seemed to startle him. Accusations of hatred, love, and other such raw emotions were always fresh in his head on a daily basis. He saw no breaks in their consistencies, they were endlessly pouring forth, a very excited stream flowing from an unseen source. There was a heavily sigh now creeping from his all to perfect lips. How exactly could he live with himself?

The question had never been his to answer, and soon he was on his feet again leaving the small clearing in the park that had all to conveniantly placed itself in his path on his way to find some sort of calm resolve in his life. His feet carried him without him really knowing where he would go or even end up, there were not many possibilities now - of course the world seemed so much smaller since he had traveled it nearly twice already. Another sigh elapsed from his lips as soon as he found himself nearing a small diner just outside the town. Another nameless town that might have just been as bland as the one that he had came from - had that said town not held the one thing that he could not happen to resist. The draw that her blood had over him, it was beginning to get utterly ridiculous, and now the memory of it was driving him mad. No, no, no! His orcher irsis were all to clear in the dimly lit front of the diner now as he was walking through the door at a moderate speed, rather fast for any human but still slow enough to remain inconspicious. Before he even opened the door the waitress was already waiting obediently to volunteer the cunning information that any table or both was available for his choosing. Her thoughts immediately flooded his empty mind and he suddenly saw the true intentions behind her helpful gaze. He could not help but scowl for her own thoughts were not helping his situation any. In time he had learned to ignore the thoughts of others least they were truly affecting him, but now he could not help but try to imerse himself in the mind of another. It was all to tempting to get away from his own tormented thoughts, and that smell. THAT torchorous smell. Sooner or later he knew that he was going to start to learn to either deal with it or let it drive him away. Frustration was present again in his rythmic breathing as he followed the waitress to the nearest vacant booth. She dropped the menu on the coffee-ring stained counter top despite his reluctance at her offering.

The composed mask had already taken effect automatically long before he had entered the diner, and he was already staring with a set of stolid eyes in her direction. Her own complexion was giving her away, obviously she was smitten beyond recognition that he would be dining here tonight. Immediately he knew that she would be put out by his order -- one single measly coffee cup - minus all the sugar and the fancy crap that they sometimes insisted on throwing in it. Frustration was no longer present in his orcher eyes as he rattled off his order to the blonde haired waitress, who happily tromped off towards the kitchen in anything but a skip. Edward did not even bother to look after her, for he could already read the thoughts in her mind. He pushed the words away trying to clear his mind and focus. He simply needed to focus. Yes, focus was good. Focus was what he really needed now. A few breaths later the perky blonde waitress was back with all but her unspoken unverbalized request in her hand. The coffee cup was sat firmly before him even though he still remained cold and indifferent to her presence she continued to swoon. Perhaps this was not the best place for focus, but Edward had never been choosy and a populated area was superb for keeping control. Control was what he wanted, it was something that he craved for he knew that he could not always be that monster -- the one that his instincts so gravely hinted at. An involuntary shudder would've taken hold of his spine again, but he controlled it, there had been enough fear in him tonight to last him an eternity of nights if he were lucky. Never before had he felt such a powerful draw of temptation to someone's blood. The idea haunted him. She had done nothing to him, yet her blood was what was caressing him, calling him forward, incriminating him against what he truly was. Could he deal with that? He had never smelled human blood so enticing as hers was, the memory of this would not be wiped clean from his mind. He was dangerous when he was around her, and somehow this thought begun to stick to him. He had no intentions of killing her, for she had done nothing to harm him, even if she had for that matter he would not have laid a finger on her. But.... but...that scent, her scent, it had been enough to drive him mad. The only resolve was to go back and set things straight, surely he could resist her! Carlisle resisted everyday, but then again he was a saint of sorts among their kind -- really he had to be -- perhaps it was just their own small coven, but surely everyone else recognized it too. Sure they were strongly averted against the smell of human blood, but to deal with it on a daily basis as Carlisle did -- what effort that must have taken him! Edward could not even think about it. Once more he tried to push all the bad thoughts from his mind, willing only the verdict to be left behind. But there was no simple verdict to his problem. She was keeping him from his family. It was a silly thing to be driven away by a scent. She was merely another silly human, surely he could overcome the smell of her enough, that he could merely sit there and be next to her? But that smell. It was so strong. Clenching his teeth, Edward stared down at the coffee cup, the contents inside it were growing cold -- cold like him. He sighed mentally as he realized that the waitress was watching him from nearby her thoughts seemed to merge with his own as he realized that she was thinking of the untouched -- and unappreciated coffee cup too. It was cast aside like so many he had placed his hands on before it. Why couldn't they all just understand? Pretending to be something that you were not was no easy game. Especially when the playing fields were so unfair and out of level.

Long white fingers laced around the rim of the coffee cup, here came the show. The waitresses seemed to have been swooning again somewhere in the background he heard their uncensored thoughts in the mist of his mind and possibly could have vomited right there -- if he had been capable of it at all. He was the perfect monster, with an inviting appearance to match it, the sort of warm fuzzy thing [except for the fact that he was cold as stone] that dragged you in, and lured you in a seductive manner to its lear. And than at that moment, the split second when you were not looking at the beautiful creature but past those crimson irisis that sparkled with some unknown malice you saw the true monster -- the thing that was really out for your throat rather than your heart. There was where things got messy and the prey really became something that was hunted, and the hunter was truly an ugly monster masked in beautiful deception. The sort of deception that was so lethal that a single grasp could trigger the last breath of a much fragile form. Edward's golden eyes flashed, he was surely more dangerous than those swooning woman behind the counter realized. It was sickening to him. His jaw tightened as her scent came back to him once more, his memories were stronger now and he felt hatred rear its ugly head. The scent was something that he never wanted to forget yet now he found himself despising the very memory of it - for it was keeping him from everything he loved ... which now might have included the very individual that bore it.

It was really ironic how things worked.

jasper whitlock hale
Patience is a virtue, Lust is a Vice

Jasper was waiting for Alice, waiting as paitient as he always was. Usually he would go looking for her, but he had guessed she was shopping and that just was not one of his favorite activities to do. He’d go if Alice asked him to but wouldn’t enjoy it in anyway. Shopping just wasn’t fun and he didn’t understand the logic behind it, yet it made Alice happy and that was all that counted. At the moment, in his patient waiting, there was thoughts of all he had done and why. His control wasn’t so much of an issue here, in their home which was secluded from the humans but shall they leave the comfort of their residence there might be a few problems for Jasper.

Alice helped Jasper, she helped him keep in line when he wanted to veer out of formation and take a bite out of that sweet blood that belonged to those humans. Right now there wasn’t temptation that he could feel so blatantly but he knew as soon as he left for school there would be some issues. Everything felt a lot simpler at home, even though Jasper could complicate it all. Jasper was good at complicating things to others, but in his mind it all made too much sense. Jasper could manipulate emotions of those around him, yet he didn't take advantage of that fact and it surprised himself. He surprised himself by not using it to coerce some teacher to come with him around the corner so he could take a...

Staring up at the ceiling of their home in Alaska he changed his thoughts to something less daunting. Life, for the Cullen's/Hale's, was difficult sometimes because of their... species. Sure, it all seemed fine from a human perspective, maybe a bit strange, but it actually was a complicated lifestyle and the entire blood lust was not making it any easier. He laughed at how many times he has had to get a new birth certificate and go to the 'first day of school'. Opposed to Rosalie he didn't have a problem with not being human, he did have a problem with living forever with the guilt he puts upon himself. Though now he lived for that pixie looking wife of his, without her he couldn't honestly say that he would stick around with his 'Family'.

The seat that Jasper sat in was a simple seat which Jasper depicted as modern. It might not have been, but truth be told Jasper didn't care all too much. He sat in the foyer of their home, still being patient for the rest of his siblings to return. Jasper knew he was alone, yet was not one to run around and slide up and down the hall way with knee high socks as in those movies. He eternity to think about his problems and he planned to spend his eternity with divided times. Most of the time would go with his wife, the other percent he would either devote to trying to stay away from the 'weakest link' idea and trying to rid himself of the hopelessness he knew wouldn't leave. No matter how happy Alice made him he couldn't help but have blood in the back of his mind. He had given up human blood for Alice, he remained that way for her. No matter how much he said he liked the Cullens, and he did, there just wasn't much hope for him to go to school and keep control. Couldn't everyone see that like he did?

Of course Jasper wouldn't spend his time pinning his problems on others, in fact he uses his gift to make others feel good when they are in angsty moods and such. He knew when not to use his power, yet he knew when he must even if he didn't want to. Sometimes, no damn near everyday, he wondered why he couldn't control himself yet couldn't control himself. He brooded and he was anxious and he was moody in a way, yet as a human [those long past years of life] he was charismatic and charming as a fiend. That charm did not leave him, he was able to charm Alice in one way or another was he not? Not to mention all those ladies whose blood had been shed. Taking a sigh into his system, he continued to sit in the chair with his head ever so slightly craned to the door. Listening for tires to make their way up to the front of the house or near the garage. Waiting for the sound of a family member to make their way towards the door. While Jasper wasn't bored he could do with some entertaining.